


Open Your Eyes (Breathe In, Breathe Out)

by ChillieBean



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Post-Episode S03E13: That Hope Is You Part 2, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillieBean/pseuds/ChillieBean
Summary: It was in the embrace that came after, as Joann grabbed fistfuls of Keyla’s uniform, that Joann made a promise to herself; that she wouldn’t hide how she felt about Keyla. That she wouldn’t laugh her feelings away, that she wouldn’t brush them off with a dismissive wave of her hand.Joann had been given a second chance, and she wasn’t going to squander it.
Relationships: Keyla Detmer/Joann Owosekun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Open Your Eyes (Breathe In, Breathe Out)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Baby's first-ever Trek fanfic! I've been wanting to write for the Trek universe for a while now and given the teasing is-there-something-more between Detmer and Owosekun I couldn't resist. It's short but sweet, I hope you like it! <3
> 
> Title of the song are lyrics from the song Stay With Me by In Flames.

It started with a hug. Anxious and relieving, angry and happy, all rolled into one. They’d never hugged quite like this before.

Granted, they hadn’t cheated death quite this way before.

This hug was unlike all the other ones before it. It wasn’t a simple embrace, it wasn’t just a ‘hello’ or ‘welcome back’, it wasn’t soothing an ache. There was something powerful that unlocked in Joann as she held onto Keyla, grabbing fistfuls of Keyla’s uniform, holding onto her so tightly she was afraid to let go. If this were a dream or the final fleeting moments of her subconscious playing out her final wish, she didn’t want to ever let her go.

And Joann knew that Keyla felt the same way. She squeezed hard, so tight, that Joann struggled to draw in a breath.

As Joann held on to Keyla, she thought about the moments before; the sadness that bubbled in her chest that she had to set aside for the sake of the mission. She was sure, as she held onto that bomb, as she said goodbye to her friends—to Keyla—that it would be the last goodbye. Kelya would asphyxiate before Joann reached the nacelle, she was certain of it. In that final goodbye, her heart was torn in two—she couldn’t be there for Keyla, to hold her, to tell her it would all be okay because Joann had a mission to complete. In a way, Joann was glad. Despite wanting to be by Keyla’s side, she couldn’t watch her die. She couldn’t watch any of them die.

But as she took those final breathless steps in the nacelle, as she tried to focus on the mission at hand, grief started to overwhelm her. She would never see any of them again. She wouldn’t see Gen’s smile, or watch Sylvia solve a problem in under a minute, or look at Keyla again, a quick glance and smile from across their consoles after she saved them all from certain death with her superior flying skills.

Joann was going to lose all of them. As she placed that bomb with her last ounce of strength, as she tried to make her way back to safety but collapsed onto the floor, taking in her final, laboured breath, she sobbed. She mourned for the loss of her friends. She mourned that she never told Keyla how she felt, that her admiration blossomed into something more. It was time stolen from her. Time she would never get back.

And it was in the embrace that came after, as she grabbed fistfuls of Keyla’s uniform, that Joann made a promise to herself; that she wouldn’t hide how she felt about Keyla. That she wouldn’t laugh her feelings away, that she wouldn’t brush them off with a dismissive wave of her hand. 

She had been given a second chance, and she wasn’t going to squander it.

* * *

Joann paces up and down the narrow space in her quarters. Today is the last day of her self-imposed deadline where she would tell Keyla how she felt about her. It’s been a week since they retook the ship from Osyraa and whenever she gets close to revealing her feelings, she backs away. 

Same old Joann.

But enough is enough. At breakfast this morning, Joann saw Michael and Book being overly affectionate, holding hands across the table. Seated elsewhere was Paul and Hugh, who spent the entire meal looking at each other adoringly. Joann _wants_ that. She wants to be loved, to be cuddled, and wants to be loved back.

Right now, Keyla is in the gym and she should be back here at any moment. Joann’s gaze shifts to Keyla’s things on the shelf at the head of her bed, the photos of loved ones now long since gone, the mementoes and knick-knacks she had collected along the way. 

Joann glances at her own things. Family she’ll never see again. Friends’ laughter she’ll never hear. Right now, her only family is this crew. They’ve only got each other. 

Keyla hasn’t been her roommate for very long, just this past week, while repairs were being done to the east wing of crew quarters where Keyla lives. This closer time together _should_ have made talking about her feelings to Keyla easier, but now that her quarters are fixed she’ll be moving back into her old room and she’ll have wasted this opportunity.

And on top of that, _losing_ Keyla after having her so close makes her heart ache.

Sighing deeply, Joann continues pacing. Just like every other time, as soon as she’s sure of what she wants, clouding doubts swirl in her mind. What _if_ Keyla doesn’t feel the same way? What if she ruins their friendship with this confession? What if Keyla doesn’t see her the same way she sees Keyla? It’s so easy to keep these feelings bottled in, to leave her feelings as ‘what-ifs' instead of making it real. Joann can stare down an enemy on the viewscreen without swirling anxiety, she can take on armed combat without breaking a sweat. 

She’s never like this. She never second-guesses her decisions, not when she told her family she was joining Starfleet, not when she told Michael that she would join her in the future. _Why_ does the simple _thought_ of admitting her feelings for Keyla make her so damn apprehensive— 

The door opens, and Keyla steps through, dabbing the back of her neck with her towel. She smiles at Joann as she sits on her bed, wiping her face with the towel.

“That was intense,” Keyla murmurs, kicking off her sneakers. Joann’s heart hammers in her chest as Keyla wipes her face with the towel, and it would be so easy to just book it out of the room and come back later. But as Keyla looks up at Joann, her smile falls from her lips. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Joann says, flashing a smile she hopes looks more genuine than it feels. It’s too soon, she’s not ready, she hasn't pushed those doubts out of her mind. “Yeah, all good.” She sits on her bed, eyeing Keyla sitting opposite.

Keyla frowns. “Why am I not convinced?” 

“I…” Joann inhales sharply, looking down at her hands and wringing them together. She’s _never_ like this and Keyla can see right through it. And knowing Keyla, she won’t back down until Joann gives her an answer. 

Right now, it’s now or never. The easiest way to deal with the doubts is to face them, head-on. Besides, the last time she got this close to telling Keyla how she felt, she backed out, and they almost died. So no, she _won’t_ let her subconscious get the better of her. She _will_ tell Keyla how she feels and it _will_ work out.

The bed dips beside Joann, and Joann eyes Keyla as she drapes an arm over her shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m here,” Keyla says softly. “What’s on your mind?”

Joann takes another deep breath, slowly in and out, and smiles. It’s time. “I was just thinking about us. About how much closer we are because of this.” Her eyes settle on Keyla’s bed.

“Well, when my quarters get damaged…”

“That, and this whole future thing. Sure, we’re finding our place here, building a stable foundation in this new world, but it’s not the same. It won’t be the same.”

Keyla nods slowly. “We just have to take each day at a time.”

“We do. And I want to take those days with you by my side. I’ve felt this way for a long time and I can’t keep it in anymore, _especially_ after everything that’s happened to us. Keyla, I—” Joann takes a deep, shuddering breath, and when she exhales, she expels all those negative thoughts. It’s time. “I love you.”

“Aww,” Keyla says, smiling sweetly. She punches Joann in the arm lightly. “I love you too.”

Joann cannot help but huff a laugh. If this had been any other time, she might have gone along with the joke. But now, there isn’t a single shred of her that wants to back out. It’s time. Reaching out, Joann cups Keyla’s face. “I mean, I _love_ love you.”

“Oh.” Keyla, for a split second, frowns, then her eyes widen. “ _Oh_.”

“I’ve thought this way about you for a while now. I wanted to tell you before now, so many times, but I couldn’t find the words. After last week, after nearly losing you—” Joann chokes back a sob. “I had to. I can’t see myself going through this new world alone. Whenever I picture it, I see you with me—” 

Keyla rushes in, curling a hand around the nape of Joann’s neck, their lips crashing together. They hold still for a moment, Joann’s almost fearful to move lest she ruins the fragility of this moment. But when Keyla’s lips soften, Joann melts into it, kissing back.

It’s everything she needed, and what she didn’t know she needed. Happiness and _love_ radiate from her chest. With each passing moment, each sweep, the foundation of this new stage of their lives is built, growing stronger and stronger. Right now, as Joann’s hands settle on Keyla’s waist, the world doesn't seem as bleak, as dark, as empty.

For the first time since landing here, the future—the present—shines brightly.

Joann can’t believe she denied herself this for so long. 

As the kiss recedes, Keyla sighs through her nose, pressing her lips to the corner of Joann’s mouth. She sits back, her hand cups Joann’s face and Joann leans into the touch.

“I love you too.” Tears well in Keyla’s eyes, and she smiles brightly. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/BeanChillie) and [PillowFort!](https://www.pillowfort.social/ChillieBean) Come say hi!


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